Do you know what it’s like to have one of those Ah-ha moments? When you have been struggling with something or trying to sort something out. Maybe it’s not even something you are aware of but suddenly something comes to light and you think “Ah-ha, that’s what it is!”
Well I had one of those the other day.
I didn’t really know I had been living in a state of mild depression for the last 18 months. We had had some things go on in our marriage that had knocked me sideways and I thought we had come through it.
But now I realise, I hadn’t.
Over that time I was trying to live up to someone or something I didn’t even know, but desperately wanted to be someone different. Someone who would measure up to what I thought I was supposed to be. I am not really sure what the changes were but one in particular was losing some weight and for this I have greatly benefited but everything else seemed to actually make things worse. I was asked what were the changes and the problem was I didn’t really know, I just felt I had to be this someone else. One of my daughters made a comment the other day about how I don’t clean anymore and it hit a sad note, but I did realise she was right. Its funny now that I look at it as it was said at the right time, just a few days before my ‘Ah-ha’ moment. At a ladies home group the other day we were watching step 9 “How can I have great relationships” in a ten step DVD by Dr Grant Mullen, “10 Steps to the New You”. This program is designed for personal or group study. Different groups within our church have been watching it.
At the end of each step Dr Grant leads the viewer in a time of prayer and this one he was asking us to recall a time when we had been hurt by something someone had said.
For me I recalled the words of being “second best” and how that had really hurt me and I wanted to do whatever it took to be the best – not second.
Dr Grant took us through a time of forgiveness to the person who had said it and ourselves for allowing it to hurt us as well as being healed form the hurt. Part of me struggled as I wanted to forgive but felt I needed to hear that I wasn’t second best, that I was the best.
But God spoke in the midst and said that I am the best and that not letting go of holding on to what was said, was not actually going to let the forgiveness and healing take place.
I shared with the group of friends and was encouraged to take hold of what God had done to me then.
I feel like a burden has been taken away. Dr Grant talks of us carrying around baggage – stuff that interferes with us being able to function – and I know that some of that baggage has now been taken away from me.
9 I am the gate; whoever enters through me will be saved. He will come in and go out, and find pasture. 10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.
All scripture is from New International Version 1984