I Have Been Pondering ...

I have been pondering on death – not in a morbid way, but in knowing I am loved by God and I have a destiny. 

I struggled when my mother died only a few months after my sister and it left my father seeming so lost and alone. They all had a faith in Jesus so I knew where they had gone. Then our Pastor also died, a wonderful man of God who was giving so much of his life for God. I wondered even if God was real, but God didn’t give up on me and took me through a crisis of faith. 

Little did I know at the time, that it was to put me in a place of assurance of God’s love for me, when I had a brush with death and it truly gave me an appreciation of being so grateful. 

Now I am finding myself again thinking of Gods’ purpose for us and the nearness of death for a few people I know as they struggle with cancer, the coping of their families and the whole feeling of, “Why?’ 

As I have prayed, talked and read with God, I have had a bit of an epiphany. 

I know that when I die, I will go to heaven to be with the One true God because I believe in Him, the one Creator God. I long to be with Him, but because of the sin in my life, which separated me from God, He sent His Son Jesus to pay the price for my sin. I believe because I have confessed this sin, I receive the gift of redemption and so can enter into heaven when I pass from this life on earth in death and I will be with God forever. This is the Christian belief and I stand on it

The Bible tells us:

John 3:16-17 

16 For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. 17 For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him. 

1 John 1:9 

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 

John 14:1-3 

14 “Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. 2 My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? 3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. . 

So, I have no fear of death. When I had my accident at one stage, while in the ambulance before I was put in the helicopter to be flown to Waikato Hospital, I had the experience of being wheeled on a trolley by people dressed in white robes smiling at me and telling me they were so happy to see me and I was nearly there. (read more here) As I look back, I realize I had no fear or regret and no loss towards what and who I was leaving behind. The prospect of just turning the curve into the light I could see, was thrilling me. This experience has never left me and at times I struggle a bit like the apostle Paul as to whether I wasn’t to stay here on earth and be with Jesus in heaven.

Philippians 1:23 

I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far;

I know that may sound selfish, and yes, I do feel it would have been horrific for my family and loved ones to come to terms with my death. One daughter often told me I gave her a fright, and I am grateful that I am still here having time with my family, but this is part of what I have been pondering. 

As a Christian what is my purpose and who is in control here? 

I was created by God and when I asked Jesus into my life it was no longer mine but His to be used for His purpose. I know I don’t measure up to this and fall short of His glory, but that is why I need Jesus and He loves me so I am set free from this constant debt of sin. His plans are already set for my life and when the appointed time comes, He will take me to be with Him - and I can truly say – not before.

Psalm 139:13-16

13 For you created my inmost being; 

you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; 

your works are wonderful, I know that full well. 

15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, 

when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. 

16 Your eyes saw my unformed body; 

all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

Ephesians 2:10

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do 

But then there is the issue of praying for those who are on that journey at what seems like a terrible cost and loss. I wondered, “Who’s loss?” 

As a Christian our purpose is to do God’s will and in doing so also lead others to know God and His saving love through Jesus, so as to escape the death and eternity in Hell. We don’t all need to be nuns, monks, ministers or missionaries in Africa to do this. In fact, for most people who don’t know the saving love of Jesus, we need to meet them as people the same as them in whatever our ‘normal’ life is. I am reminded that as a Christian some will be watching me and my life to see what it is and who I am.

When we or someone we know faces death we are urged to pray for them, for healing and the situation and this is what has drawn me to ponder, “What and how do I pray?” 

I want them to go to heaven so if they don’t know Jesus as Lord then that will not happen. So, I need to pray and speak to them of Salvation. 

Yes, it would be great if they were healed and through prayer God’s healing for them would be an amazing testimony of the miracles God does. I can pray for that. But what if that is NOT Gods plan for them and that they are going to die from this affliction. That would then be “God’s plan” for their life. And I can accept that. 

When our Pastor passed away with cancer, I almost thought. “How dear God let him die. He did so much for God, left behind a wonderful wife, children and grandchildren”, and it felt like it was way before time. An elder said to me we are told to pray continually, and we did, but he still died. But it was God’s plan. 

1 Thessalonians 5:17  pray continually,

Now I have come to see it in a totally different light. To be with God is what we all desire. We pray it, sing about it and claim that is what we want. At times when I recall my experience, I long for it and wait with a joyful expectation of going there, so why would I not want that for my Christian brothers and sisters. Isn’t that what all Christians want, to be with Jesus? So why don’t we cope with that? Why do some fear death? 

Of course, we want to spend as much valuable time here with our loved ones, but why do we value our life or theirs here on earth more than our lives in eternity? I have come to see that as those praying for others, that we become selfish in wanting them to stay. Be it family or close friends, we think they should or need to be here and plead with God to heal them. For people who are doing amazing things for God, we ‘tell’ God, He needs them to do His work! In fact, we almost turn ourselves into God, trying to work His plan according to what we think. We pray for this and that and sometimes add at the end “Your will be done” as a token understanding that we believe God is in control. But is this a sin? Thinking we can pray one thing, as if we are all powerful - like God! 

The first commandment tells us ‘You shall have no other gods before Me’. Exodus 20:3 

When we try to manipulate God with our prayers, are we not subconsciously trying to be equal or above God and His plan? He is the Lord and there is no other like Him! 

Will God heal them? 

Only He knows and so we mustn’t doubt He may choose to use this situation for revealing His miracle working power. We must trust God, in faith that His plan is the best and He loves us all. After my accident and as I recovered many people were praying for me. Was it their prayers that healed me? I had one woman say to me, as if I had to be forever indebted to her, (because I didn’t have the same belief in an aspect of the pandemic as her) “But we prayed for you!” Yes they did and the speed at which I had healed spoke to so many people who cared for me. But that doesn't mean one is indebted to them. 

Is it a bargaining time before God? “If I ask for this or that, and You God give it to me, therefore I will do ‘that’”. NO, People prayed for me and I was healed, so it was God’s plan. Do I ask, "did people need to pray?" We are to pray because it is an acknowledgement of our need and trust in God.

What do we pray then? 

I believe we are to keep praying for God’s will to come to pass, give praise for the person and all they are and have done. To give thanks for knowing them and our relationship with them. Pray for God’s glory to be revealed in what His plans are for this person and over all confirm our faith in God that He is LORD Almighty. Hand it to Him because He is in control. 

There are examples in the Bible of how God changed His plan when people prayed to Him when disaster seemed eminent so I am not saying that God is not in control and able to do something in answer to our prayers, but can we question that that was not actually His plan in the first place. We want to see miracles and to show unbelievers God’s mighty power in them, but surely it is God’s decision, not ours. 

I found myself being like the writer of the book of Ecclesiastes where it felt like everything was meaningless.

A man who preached in our church a couple of weeks ago seemed to say that we shouldn’t believe ‘everything happens for a reason’. I talked to him after with my thoughts on this. If we as Christians, believe in the Word of God – The Bible – and that God is in control and has “the days ordained” for us, then surely, we have to believe that all things are part of that, whether they be from God or He allows them to happen by the devil for God to use for His purpose. 

I keep coming back to the thought that life with Jesus is all I want and we should be running toward the prize that is eternal life. 

1 Corinthians 9:24

 Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.  

2 Timothy 4:7

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. 

Hebrews 12:1-3

12 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3 Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. 

 

I want to go to heaven at my appointed time and rejoice in knowing this to be true. And this is my desire for all. Life here on earth is just a fraction, a moment in time, but eternity is just that – eternity for all time. 

Mark 13:32-37  
32 “But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father. 33 Be on guard! Be alert! You do not know when that time will come. 34 It’s like a man going away: He leaves his house and puts his servants in charge, each with their assigned task, and tells the one at the door to keep watch. 

35 “Therefore, keep watch because you do not know when the owner of the house will come back—whether in the evening, or at midnight, or when the rooster crows, or at dawn. 36 If he comes suddenly, do not let him find you sleeping. 37 What I say to you, I say to everyone: ‘Watch!’” 

Psalm 39:4-7 
4 “Show me, Lord, my life’s end and the number of my days; 

let me know how fleeting my life is.

5 You have made my days a mere handbreadth; 

the span of my years is as nothing before you.

Everyone is but a breath, even those who seem secure.

6 “Surely everyone goes around like a mere phantom; 

in vain they rush about, heaping up wealth without knowing whose it will finally be.

7 “But now, Lord, what do I look for? 

 My hope is in you.

All Scripture is taken from the New International Version

Spicy Persimmon Muffins

We bought a persimmon tree many years ago and it didn't fruit for the first eight years. The lady who sold it to us came with her father and they grafted a couple of branches from a fruiting tree on it to see if that would help. It felt like the poor tree was doomed as our son was staying for a few months and he had one of his pet goats with him at the time. Said goat quite liked the new grafting's.

Said friend came back again after our son moved on and tried another graft and between them all, something happened to the tree. The first year there were three fruit that survived to be eaten but the second year it bore a heavy crop. The next was poor but this year, there were bucket loads. 

So what to do?

I made jam, stewed some for having with muesli for breakfast and decided to attempt making some muffins. At first I tried a recipe I found through google but they were a bit bland. Using the recipe as a tried to tweak it a bit and after a couple of attempts that still didn't pack much punch I created this one.

Ingredients

1 ¾ Cups Flour 

2 tsp Baking Powder 

1 tsp Ground Ginger 

2 tsp Cinnamon 

½ tsp Nutmeg 

½ Cup Sugar 

1 Cup Persimmon Pulp 

100gr Butter 

1 Egg 

½ - 1 Cup Milk 

Preparation 

Grease a 12-hole muffin tray (or line with muffin cases if preferred) and preheat the oven to 210°C.

Combine the first six dry ingredients in a large bowl, and toss well together.

Measure out the pulp from ripe persimmons cutting firm flesh into pea size pieces. (I actually used over ripe persimmons so it was just a matter of slitting the base of the fruit and squeezing out the pulp). 

Melt the butter until just liquid, whisk in the egg, stir in the persimmon and add ½ cup of the milk. 

Fold the wet ingredients into the dry adding more milk if the consistency is too dry after 8 folds. (I don’t fold more than 14 times as muffins should not be over mixed and it is fine if there are still traces of dry flour) 

Fill the muffin tins to almost fill and place in the oven on a high shelf to bake at 210°C for 12 to 15 minutes. They should bounce back when lightly pressed and be slightly crisp on the top. 

Cool for 10 minutes before removing from the tins, then cool on a wire cooling rack.

You may want to vary the spices to your liking using more or less but I liked this balance.

I usually eat my muffins unbuttered but I found they needed a bit of a buttery taste while nice and warm!

Mumsey’s Feijoa Loaf

‘Tis the season for feijoas. 

We call them feijoas in New Zealand but they are also known as the 'pineapple guava'. 

We had some trees “up the path to the top house” when we were young and lived in Paekakariki. I remember sitting underneath them in a sort of bush setting eating the fruit until I was full of them. So I have really grown up with them. 

When we bought our section there were four trees but we have removed two as there really was too much fruit. We try to process as much as we can and then bag them, setting them at the gate for anyone to take the rest.

I have an assortment of recipes that I try every season sorting out which ones to keep and which to just toss. I do all sorts of things with them; baking, chutneys, jam, preserving and this year Harry is freezing some for making wine! 

This recipe can be found on the Chelsea Sugar website but I have adapted it to my own liking so making it mine. 

1 heaped cup peeled and chopped feijoa's 

1 cup hot water 

½ cup white sugar 

50g butter 

1 egg, beaten 

2 cups self-raising flour 

1 tsp baking soda 

1 heaped tablespoon crystallised ginger chopped small (you want it about the size of rice)

Topping 

½ cup raw sugar 

1 tablespoon ground cinnamon 

Preheat oven to 180°C bake and line a large loaf tin (approximately 22cm x 12cm). 

Place prepared feijoas, water, sugar and butter in a large saucepan. 

Bring to the boil, stirring to prevent sticking/burning. 

Simmer for 5 minutes, stirring occasionally, then set aside to cool for at least 5 minutes. 

Mix in egg, flour, chopped ginger, baking powder and baking soda. If you add this to the mix while it’s still too hot it will foam, so you will need to work quickly to get it into the oven. 

Pour/tip into prepared tin and top with the cinnamon sugar. As much as you like.

(You can save the left overs in an airtight container.) 

Bake for 40-50 minutes, until loaf springs back when lightly pressed and a skewer inserted into the center comes out clean. 

Cool in tin for 10 minutes, then transfer to a wire rack to cool completely. 

Lovely spread with butter or you can have thicker slices warmed with cream, ice cream or yogurt for a pudding.

Mumsey’s Ramblings - Something About Nothing And Everything God Sends Me

For some time now I have been wanting to post a new blog post here but have struggled with what to post. I had wanted to get back to posting on a regular basis and with everything that has been happening to me over the last couple of weeks, couple of months and even a couple of years I haven’t known how or where to start. 

Today was Sunday and as is usual for me I went to church. But that in itself is different for me now as well. We don’t have a minister at the moment but the man who preached today has been doing so on the last Sunday of the month for a few years and so we are very familiar with him. 

He preached on the scripture from Psalm 137 which was made famous by Boney M. 

Psalm 137:1-4

 1 By the rivers of Babylon we sat and wept when we remembered Zion. 

2 There on the poplars we hung our harps, 

3 for there our captors asked us for songs, our tormentors demanded songs of joy; they said, “Sing us one of the songs of Zion!” 

4 How can we sing the songs of the LORD while in a foreign land? 

He shared on how as Christians we should dare to be different in our world today as the world is different. “How can we sing a new song in the strangeness of today?"

Where everyone else is speaking out what they believe and so have a right to believe and speak about it, how do we as Christians, speak out of our faith and belief. Do we not even do so, for fear of being vulnerable, caught out, trapped and even abused for what we say or believe.

He went on to talk about how we have to be new in our thinking and ideas, with encouragement and examples, but the first part struck a chord with me.

Interestingly, after the service, a lady came and spoke to me about some things that had happened recently for me and in conversation said she had been talking to someone and had said, “The Fiona we knew before will never be the same after her accident”. I was a little surprised (inside myself) as I have struggled with this myself and here she was, speaking it out. I know my body is not the same and am finding it really hard to gain the full mobility. But I also know that my faith was cemented in my vision of almost entering heaven and being reassured there is life after death and God is building a room for me there. 

John 14:2 My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? 

I had been through a time of despair over this belief before the accident and God had brought me through, knowing I needed to confront this crisis before I went through the accident.  

But what of now? 

As I mentioned at the beginning some major things have happened. 

A few weeks ago, I was not voted in as an Elder after two terms of three years. This meant I can no longer take the 8.00am Liturgy service, as my Lay Minster license had also lapsed but being an Elder I could.

In January my father (at 93) passed away to be with Jesus and I know his beloved wife. Though I am at peace with that, there are all the emotions that go with it. And now my brothers and I are sorting through the house and the enormous amount of ‘stuff’ that my parents had accumulated over their lives. 

And as I mentioned I am still recovering from my accident which at times makes me extremely tired and sore, along with waiting for my two knee replacement surgeries that have been put back because of that. 

So this is a new post to start again and as my blog is called “Mumsey’s Ramblings - Something about nothing and everything God sends me” you will see all sorts of posts in the future, for my record and for you to see what I’ve been up to.

Life At Pohlen Hospital In Pictures

If you have stumbled across this page and so don't know what is going on here then I would suggest you read the following posts first.

1. My Journey of Faith
2. My Life Changed
3. The Road of Recovery - Part 1
   
4. The Road of Recovery - Part 2 
5. Living at Pohlen Hospital

This is more for me than anything. It is like a photo album of memories of my four months at Pohlen Hospital for my convalescent and rehabilitation care.

Care plan

My first day at Pohlen

My Pohlen teddy bear

Pamper

Christmas nails

Foot washing with friends

View from my window
in Room 6

One of many quilts
Changed with each linen change

 

My main room
Room 6

My bed in room 6 placed against the wall, when I had a fear
of rolling out onto the floor and not being able to stop myself

Breakfast
Every day

Fridays morning tea
- sausage rolls

Morning tea smoothie
Purple!

Mainly meat and carbs
with gravy

Lunch
Main meal and dessert

Sometimes wine
with lunch

Outside in the sun

Some grated carrot

Even some broccoli 

Carryllines teatime
salad special

Tea - I opted
for sandwiches

Sometimes yummy

You might be wondering why I have such a fixation on the meals at Pohlen!

As you will see there was not an abundance of vegetables. It was usually just one vegetable at lunch. In fact the evening lighter meal was usually a pastry of some sort and sometimes just something from a tin. At first it was nice to not have to cook my own meals but it wasn't long before I longed for vegetables or a salad. In fact the meals at Waikato were yummy compared to what we had in here as you can see below.

When I sat on my bed I looked at this brick wall out of the window and I discovered a face/head. I don't know if you can see it but it is on the bottom half on the left edge of the middle brick looking out.

And then there was the hospital cat - Simba. She would often come and sleep on my bed and follow me outside into the garden.

Preparing for Christmas was hard as I was not home for Christmas but there was pleasure in being part of it here

 These lovely banners were made by one of the residents, Janet, and a good friend and companion to me and as she is now a permanent resident she had them brought from her home to share with us all.

A wreath craft I made

The photo and a Christmas card from Shari

We had a Christmas party where our partners were allowed to come. The Matamata band played Christmas Carols. An ice cream truck came and we were allowed to choose our own flavours and we got photos taken as a remembrance.

As I was in hospital from September to mid January, (Pohlen from the 23rd of September) I watched the beautiful gardens at Pohlen blossom for spring and then flourish into early summer. Because of the choice of plantings there were beautiful colours and perfumes as well as attracting birdlife. It became a place I would escape to. The staff and residents became good friends but there were times when I wanted to feel 'normal' so to speak and this garden did that for me. I would take my Bible or book, a bottle of water and sit and pray or read or just take in all its beauty. I would often meet Harry and other visitors out there. And sometimes it was a place for treats.

I soon simply loved flowers. In the garden, given to me by family and friends and those in the lounge/dining room that we all could share.

Outings - van trips, ice-cream treats and family outings to a café

The living spaces

Visitors

Shut in my room visits

Sneaky window visits

Full protection visits

Jigsaws

All in all my four months at Pohlen were a major part of my recovery and my home away from home