Musings From Kerre Woodham’s Musings From Middle Age

I have just finished reading this book, Musings From Middle Age, that I have had in my collection for a number of years – you know that stack of books by your bedside table … but mine flows under the dressing table as well!

I bought this book one day at Paper Plus when Kerre was actually there doing a book signing. It was a quiet day and she chatted briefly and wrote in my book 

"To dear Fiona with five kids. I hope you get a change to sit down, relax and read this! Happy reading. Love Kerre x”

At that time, I think we had our youngest just move to Christchurch so I was going through the empty nest stage in life. I can tell you back then, it may have been over ten years since our first child had left home and by then I was used to one less in the household every couple of years (and some aspects hubby and I were looking forward to!) but, there is still a grief to go through when indeed all your children have moved out and no longer need your daily input! 

I suspect Kerre was in awe that I had raised five children as she only had one. But for me that was my choice and I did love it. I was lucky that I didn’t have to work in paid employment until I took some part time work later once all the children were at school. We may not have done the best, as one has indicated (no longer having contact without letting us know what the issues were so we can all talk and understand, respond and heal) but we did what we knew and learned along the way. Every child/family/situation is different so there are no rule books on how to do it. Even if there are books giving advice and ways to work through all these times there are never two situations the same. 

And that is where I come to the point of this post. 

I read Kerre’s book and it was an easy fun book with short chapters making it ideal to pick up and read when there were little pockets of time to do so. This is Kerre’s third book and so is no famous author and will be better known for her work in the earlier days of Fair Go, as a New Zealand journalist and ‘one of New Zealand’s best loved personalities as she dishes up a bold, sharp and energetic show Monday to Friday 9am-12md’ on newstalk ZB.

Now I’ve never written a book and admit English was not my best or favourite subject. I couldn’t spell (the wonders of spell check weren’t around in ‘the olden days’), reading out loud was one of my biggest fears as I just didn’t know what or how to pronounce some of the words and my life was reasonably sheltered so there were no big subjects to write about. Writing a book is quite an accomplishment and I take my hat off to those who do and get them published. 

So when I logged my completion of reading this book on my “Goodreads” challenge for 2021 I scrolled down and read some of the comments. I often wonder what would people say if they spoke to the people their comments are aimed at in person (face-to-face), if they would say what they write or if they hide behind their keyboards giving off their energetic ‘hates’ with no fear of retaliation. 

Here are some of the comments: 

Jo rated it 1* did not like it/ didn’t-finish. - Depressing ageist gender-role reinforcement. I'm really not sure why this book exists. I'm pretty sure that women are getting told by plenty of other sources that once they hit 40 they become invisible and hideous, that regardless of whether they fight or succumb to (the inevitable) aging they will appear ridiculous and an object of mockery, and oh yes, in case you forgot- you're old and you're ugly. Maybe if you are lucky you will score a bloke who still sees you as the young hottie you once were. But you will have to nag him to death, because that's just the way things are. 

Jill rated it 1* did not like it. - Kerre Woodham what were you thinking? You warn in your book “only intended for the eyes of women aged 40 plus”. Well I would say more like 90 plus … and not at all if you are a woman. If dear reader, you have picked up this book thinking it will be like Woodham’s “Fat Chick” books then you will be sadly disappointed as it is just Woodham’s take on the aging process. I will confess that I only read the first 55 pages, so perhaps there is some improvement thereafter? Maybe someone would like to read ‘Musings from Middle Age ‘and tell me if it gets better? But I myself was not prepared to waste any more time on it. As a woman of a certain age, (the same age as Woodham actually) I have noticed that I have become invisible, gravity has kicked in and wobbly bits abound, but I have reached a degree of acceptance – I mean if Rachel Hunter can’t get a man then why should my singledom bother me unduly. However, am I really expected to believe that the gorgeous, blonde bombshell, and raconteur extraordinaire, Kerre Woodham, with her large as life personality, has become invisible - I don’t think so! If a publisher wants a book written on the subject of aging gracefully, why not choose an author who has a few more years under their belt. This book makes me feel like an aging harridan! I still have a good 40 years in me for goodness sake – 60 is the new middle age! This book made me so angry. However if you are a man, and want to know why your wife, sister, mother, life partner or whatever, is angry or moody all the time – then read this by all means – you might find it funny – unfortunately, I certainly didn’t.

Rebecca rated it 1* did not like it/not-finished. - Sorry Kerre. I like you but this book is crap!

The books back cover reads: 

Is there an invisible line we cross at a certain age when we become ‘un-chat-up-able’ and become someone’s mum? When do barmen and supermarket check-out operators start calling us ‘madam’ and why do some women have the unnatural urge to cut their own hair with nail scissors or run away to Buddhist retreats when they hit forty?

In this hilarious collection of stories from the brink of middle age, Kerre shares her insights into what makes us tick as women ‘of a certain age’. Topics explored include: coping with the empty nest; shoes, shoes and other indulgences; when is it futile to dress to impress? is there such a thing as a female mid-life crisis? and many more. Told in Kerre’s frank and self-deprecating style, this is a hilarious account of living life to the fullest - no matter what your age. 

The Goodreads website comments: 

A laugh-out-loud account of one woman's journey to the brink of middle age as she discovers her new place in the grand scheme of things. Is there an invisible line we cross at a certain age when we become ‘un-chat-up-able’ and become someone’s mum? When do barmen and supermarket check-out operators start calling us ‘madam’ and why do some women have the unnatural urge to cut their own hair with nail scissors or run away to Buddhist retreats when they hit forty? In this hilarious collection of stories from the brink of middle age, Kerre shares her insights into what makes us tick as women ‘of a certain age’. Topics explored include: coping with the empty nest; shoes, shoes and other indulgences; when is it futile to dress to impress?; is there such a thing as a female mid-life crisis?; and many more. Told in Kerre’s frank and self-deprecating style, this is a hilarious account of living life to the fullest - no matter what your age.

 “Jo” it would seem back then, that she(or maybe it’s a he) has either been through that stage and feels “invisible and hideous, …. appears ridiculous and an object of mockery, … old and ugly” and if she was “lucky” may have scored a bloke who still sees her as the young hottie she once was. But I sure hope she hasn’t nagged him to death, because that isn’t the way things are. Jo would also discover that Kerre is married to her Irishman who seems to adore her.

“Jill” seemed to want a lot more out of this book than she read in “the first 55 pages”. No the book was not the same as her “Fat Chick” books, by why do they have to be? Why does an author have to write the same sort of books all the time? Yes it is “just Woodham’s take on the aging process.” So why expect more? If Jill had read more she may have found the book a light laugh along as she admitted she was the same age and just enjoy it. 

And that is what the book is – a sort of autobiography of Kerre’s “middle years” with no suggestion to use it as a failproof guide but one that will make you smile, maybe even laugh out loud, screw your mouth up in disgust or maybe (in my case) nod your head understandingly thinking “and you wait until the next stage!”

Good on you Kerre, I enjoyed it.

Reflecting

When you look at what you have done in the past and what you would like to achieve in the future do you ever think "I've wasted so much time?"

I sure have over the last few weeks. 

If you follow my blog, and/or know me personally, you will know what some things have been like.

With the death of my Mother and Sister last year I have been on a huge journey of grief, not to mention that added death of our Minister of 6 years. I worked along side him, not just in the church office but, as a lay minister and friends of his wife and him. It is a process one has to adjust to, not something with a time limit.

Life is never the same, the course just turned in another direction and in time you learn to live with the loss because it is now a part of who you are now.

But on this journey you will always learn knew things not just about life but of what is important to you.

With both my families loss there was the issue of sorting through their belongings and it is interesting to look at the things they had kept or hung on to, the things they didn't finish and the ideas that perhaps they had that you didn't know about. 

I have 'saved' bits and pieces from the clean outs because I wanted to hang on to what was a part of them but also I felt I could finish things they had started. But in doing this I now feel burdened to keep these things and do what I thought needed doing and there are now boxes of 'stuff' building up in a room. 

My daughters look and struggle and I know exactly how they feel, as it was the feelings I had at my mothers things. I want to do what is best but I also want to get on with the rest of my life, as in the big picture the years are counting down. Not in a morbid sense but just in a "This is what I want to do" but all these other things put on by others - either from my own doing or expectations of others - are taking that time.

There is a huge reluctance to toss or give away but one thing I know I need to deal with it, and now.

They say that you often have to produce a mess before you can start the clean up and I now see that is what I have to do. Another saying is you can't organize cutter.

But the process has begun and I will see it through. And with that I will be able to get on with the things I want to do for me, whatever that means in the big picture.

I have seen for me last year (Yes 2020!) so much time was lost and it can never be found again, but in getting on with sorting the blockades, the way forward will be easier. 

Being in control of 'it' means that 'it' will no longer control me.