I struggled when my mother died only a few months after my sister and it left my father seeming so lost and alone. They all had a faith in Jesus so I knew where they had gone. Then our Pastor also died, a wonderful man of God who was giving so much of his life for God. I wondered even if God was real, but God didn’t give up on me and took me through a crisis of faith.
Little did I know at the time, that it was to put me in a place of assurance of God’s love for me, when I had a brush with death and it truly gave me an appreciation of being so grateful.
Now I am finding myself again thinking of Gods’ purpose for us and the nearness of death for a few people I know as they struggle with cancer, the coping of their families and the whole feeling of, “Why?’
As I have prayed, talked and read with God, I have had a bit of an epiphany.
I know that when I die, I will go to heaven to be with the One true God because I believe in Him, the one Creator God. I long to be with Him, but because of the sin in my life, which separated me from God, He sent His Son Jesus to pay the price for my sin. I believe because I have confessed this sin, I receive the gift of redemption and so can enter into heaven when I pass from this life on earth in death and I will be with God forever. This is the Christian belief and I stand on it
The Bible tells us:
16 For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. 17 For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him.
If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
14 “Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me.
2 My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you?
3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am
If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
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So, I have no fear of death. When I had my accident at one stage, while in the ambulance before I was put in the helicopter to be flown to Waikato Hospital, I had the experience of being wheeled on a trolley by people dressed in white robes smiling at me and telling me they were so happy to see me and I was nearly there. (read more here) As I look back, I realize I had no fear or regret and no loss towards what and who I was leaving behind. The prospect of just turning the curve into the light I could see, was thrilling me. This experience has never left me and at times I struggle a bit like the apostle Paul as to whether I wasn’t to stay here on earth and be with Jesus in heaven.
I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far;
I know that may sound selfish, and yes, I do feel it would have been horrific for my family and loved ones to come to terms with my death. One daughter often told me I gave her a fright, and I am grateful that I am still here having time with my family, but this is part of what I have been pondering.
As a Christian what is my purpose and who is in control here?
I was created by God and when I asked Jesus into my life it was no longer mine but His to be used for His purpose. I know I don’t measure up to this and fall short of His glory, but that is why I need Jesus and He loves me so I am set free from this constant debt of sin. His plans are already set for my life and when the appointed time comes, He will take me to be with Him - and I can truly say – not before.
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do
But then there is the issue of praying for those who are on that journey at what seems like a terrible cost and loss. I wondered, “Who’s loss?”
As a Christian our purpose is to do God’s will and in doing so also lead others to know God and His saving love through Jesus, so as to escape the death and eternity in Hell. We don’t all need to be nuns, monks, ministers or missionaries in Africa to do this. In fact, for most people who don’t know the saving love of Jesus, we need to meet them as people the same as them in whatever our ‘normal’ life is. I am reminded that as a Christian some will be watching me and my life to see what it is and who I am.
When we or someone we know faces death we are urged to pray for them, for healing and the situation and this is what has drawn me to ponder, “What and how do I pray?”
I want them to go to heaven so if they don’t know Jesus as Lord then that will not happen. So, I need to pray and speak to them of Salvation.
Yes, it would be great if they were healed and through prayer God’s healing for them would be an amazing testimony of the miracles God does. I can pray for that. But what if that is NOT Gods plan for them and that they are going to die from this affliction. That would then be “God’s plan” for their life. And I can accept that.
When our Pastor passed away with cancer, I almost thought. “How dear God let him die. He did so much for God, left behind a wonderful wife, children and grandchildren”, and it felt like it was way before time. An elder said to me we are told to pray continually, and we did, but he still died. But it was God’s plan.
1 Thessalonians 5:17 pray continually,
Now I have come to see it in a totally different light. To be with God is what we all desire. We pray it, sing about it and claim that is what we want. At times when I recall my experience, I long for it and wait with a joyful expectation of going there, so why would I not want that for my Christian brothers and sisters. Isn’t that what all Christians want, to be with Jesus? So why don’t we cope with that? Why do some fear death?
Of course, we want to spend as much valuable time here with our loved ones, but why do we value our life or theirs here on earth more than our lives in eternity? I have come to see that as those praying for others, that we become selfish in wanting them to stay. Be it family or close friends, we think they should or need to be here and plead with God to heal them. For people who are doing amazing things for God, we ‘tell’ God, He needs them to do His work! In fact, we almost turn ourselves into God, trying to work His plan according to what we think. We pray for this and that and sometimes add at the end “Your will be done” as a token understanding that we believe God is in control. But is this a sin? Thinking we can pray one thing, as if we are all powerful - like God!
The first commandment tells us ‘You shall have no other gods before Me’. Exodus 20:3
When we try to manipulate God with our prayers, are we not subconsciously trying to be equal or above God and His plan? He is the Lord and there is no other like Him!
Only He knows and so we mustn’t doubt He may choose to use this situation for revealing His miracle working power. We must trust God, in faith that His plan is the best and He loves us all. After my accident and as I recovered many people were praying for me. Was it their prayers that healed me? I had one woman say to me, as if I had to be forever indebted to her, (because I didn’t have the same belief in an aspect of the pandemic as her) “But we prayed for you!” Yes they did and the speed at which I had healed spoke to so many people who cared for me. But that doesn't mean one is indebted to them.
Is it a bargaining time before God? “If I ask for this or that, and You God give it to me, therefore I will do ‘that’”. NO, People prayed for me and I was healed, so it was God’s plan. Do I ask, "did people need to pray?" We are to pray because it is an acknowledgement of our need and trust in God.
What do we pray then?
I believe we are to keep praying for God’s will to come to pass, give praise for the person and all they are and have done. To give thanks for knowing them and our relationship with them. Pray for God’s glory to be revealed in what His plans are for this person and over all confirm our faith in God that He is LORD Almighty. Hand it to Him because He is in control.
There are examples in the Bible of how God changed His plan when people prayed to Him when disaster seemed eminent so I am not saying that God is not in control and able to do something in answer to our prayers, but can we question that that was not actually His plan in the first place. We want to see miracles and to show unbelievers God’s mighty power in them, but surely it is God’s decision, not ours.
I found myself being like the writer of the book of Ecclesiastes where it felt like everything was meaningless.
A man who preached in our church a couple of weeks ago seemed to say that we shouldn’t believe ‘everything happens for a reason’. I talked to him after with my thoughts on this. If we as Christians, believe in the Word of God – The Bible – and that God is in control and has “the days ordained” for us, then surely, we have to believe that all things are part of that, whether they be from God or He allows them to happen by the devil for God to use for His purpose.
I keep coming back to the thought that life with Jesus is all I want and we should be running toward the prize that is eternal life.
Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.
I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.
12 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3 Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
I want to go to heaven at my appointed time and rejoice in knowing this to be true. And this is my desire for all. Life here on earth is just a fraction, a moment in time, but eternity is just that – eternity for all time.
32 “But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father. 33 Be on guard! Be alert! You do not know when that time will come. 34 It’s like a man going away: He leaves his house and puts his servants in charge, each with their assigned task, and tells the one at the door to keep watch.
35 “Therefore, keep watch because you do not know when the owner of the house will come back—whether in the evening, or at midnight, or when the rooster crows, or at dawn. 36 If he comes suddenly, do not let him find you sleeping. 37 What I say to you, I say to everyone: ‘Watch!’”
Psalm 39:4-7
4 “Show me, Lord, my life’s end and the number of my days;
let me know how fleeting my life is.
5 You have made my days a mere handbreadth;
the span of my years is as nothing before you.
Everyone is but a breath, even those who seem secure.
6 “Surely everyone goes around like a mere phantom;
in vain they rush about, heaping up wealth without knowing whose it will finally be.
7 “But now, Lord, what do I look for?
My hope is in you.
All Scripture is taken from the New International Version
