So to kick some of my less-than-gentle habits, I have made a “jar of contention,” which works a bit like a swearing jar.Each time I am caught in the act of gossip, nagging, complaining, exaggerating, or snark I put a penny in the jar. At the end of the month, each penny represents one minute I have to spend doing penance on the rooftop of my house to simulate what it is like to live with a contentious woman.
noun: a struggling together in opposition; strife. a striving in rivalry; competition; contest. strife in debate; dispute; controversy. a point contended for or affirmed in controversy.
Snark is from the word’s “snide” and “remark”.
"Snarky" is used to describe speech with a specific emotional tone, typically a form of sarcasm informed by cheekiness and a mild, playful irreverence or impudence. When the dominant intent of the communication is to express or convey direct or judgmental rudeness, the sense of mild cheekiness is lost and the overall communication crosses the line to become "snide."
And there it was – I make snarky comments.
I have come to realize that my mother made comments to me over the years when she didn’t agree or like what I did or said and they were ‘snarky”. Whether she meant to or not she was trying to make herself clear how she felt and being family, one thinks one can get away with talking like that. Well you can’t because it still leaves a mark.
They say that behavior is shaped by nature and nurture. I’m not sure what the percentage is but these all are part of who we are. Whether we wanted to or not we pick up some of these learned behaviours that may or may not be beneficial to us.
I started my ‘Jar of Contention” halfway through October using marbles (instead of coins as Rachel had because we just don't have coins anymore) and I soon learnt that I used snarky comments when ever I wanted to get a response of action or have the last comment to keep the silence. I’m not going to go into them but I felt terrible as each day progressed.The first day there were 6 marbles, then 5, six again and after a couple of days there would be 3 or 4 a day. After two and a half weeks there were 51 marbles in the jar. Now that would mean if I followed through with Rachels course of action I was going to have to sit on the corner of our roof for 51 minutes.
Proverbs 21:9 Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.
What is really interesting is that this verse is repeated again - And if there is one thing I have learnt is that if God repeats something its something He really wants you to know.
Proverbs 25:24 Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.
I hate to think what it would have been if I had done it for the whole month!
I decided I wasn’t going to actually do this as Rachel had, because it seemed like a waste of 51 minutes and I had learnt my lesson well and truly. There may be times when I still think snarky remarks especially when ‘promises’ are not carried through but I have learnt that the remark does nothing to help and only cuts the person it is aimed at. I have learnt to listen more and say less. I have also learnt to “hear” what is being said (or not) and to think about what is the most helpful and nicest way to aid, if need be, the other person if it truly is an issue. But I have learnt most that “Dah” I can’t have it my way. If correction is needed then sure speak about it in a caring way to encourage a positive turn around but to get one’s own way is manipulative and controlling.
OK I’m not saying I have won the battle. I still have thoughts and the urge to say something cutting or snide because I don’t like what has or hasn’t been done or said, but I feel so good when I realize what it is and I keep it to myself. I have learnt a fault of mine and am coming a long way to lose it and be one step closer to a gentle woman in her speech.
Scripture taken from the New International Version
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