Over the years this has taken its toll on me.
Earlier this year I spent eleven days at Bryant Retreat and came home refreshed and strong, to live in victory with God and what life is for us.
A week later my husband told me he was gong to leave work and go possum trapping (for fur) or something he has done before, but there would be no phone call this time. I knew that meant he was going to kill himself. He also told me I had to find a “proper job” meaning he wanted me to work full time so he didn’t have to.
In the past I would have reacted with tears, pleading and ringing people to help etc.
But this time I felt a strong sense of Gods presence. I was able to ignore the manipulation of the illness. I didn’t cave in.
I was able to pray in a fighting way against what the illness was doing to my husband and our lives.
At one time I really thought enough was enough and I was not going to let this destroy me so I would walk away from it all. But I didn’t.
Hubby kept saying I needed to find a proper job but I was able to say with authority that I have a proper job and I do not want to hear that again. He didn’t.
He still works where he has for the past few years
He is seeing his psychiatrist and had his medication increased.
He has someone helping with his CV and finding him other work.
We are not out of the shadows quite yet but the light of Jesus has been with me all the way and I am so thankful I have the gift of faith to carry me through.
In church this morning I shared this testimony as the words of a song we sung seemed to speak of God in my life.
Even though I walk through
the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I’m caught in the middle
of the storms of this life
I won’t turn back
I know You are near
And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?
Chorus:
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me
And I can see a light that is coming
for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We’ll live to know You here on the earth
Chorus:
Yes, I can see a light that is coming
for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You
There is a piece of scripture I always hold on to: “I will never leave your nor forsake you.”
Joshua 1:5-9 (New International Version)
5 No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you. 6 "Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their forefathers to give them. 7 Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. 8 Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. 9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."
Hebrews 13:4-6 + 8(New International Version)
4Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. 5Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." 6So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"..... 8Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.
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