Tuesday, August 23, 2016

I'm Still Here


Yes I’m still here.

I haven’t disappeared off the face of the earth or given up on the blog.

As I read over the last post I see I was struggling with growing old and here I am nearly a year on….. And yes I have grown a little older but part of me hopes a little wiser.
So much has happened over the last 11 months and I haven’t shared with you all but maybe that’s because only now have I come to realize what it was all about.

As I write this I am at home on sick leave for shingles. Now shingles is actually caused by the same virus as chickenpox (varicella zoster). After a bout of chickenpox (I climbed into bed with my sister when she had them, when we were young and I consequently got a good dose of it!) the virus lies latent in the nerve cells near the spinal cord. It remains there for life and can be reactivated at a later stage as shingles. Anyone who has had chickenpox can go on to develop shingles. And they can get it a number of times. It’s not fully understood how it comes to the surface but emotional stress is a prime cause. I was feeling unwell, had sores on the side of my neck, ulcers in my mouth and headaches. So off to the doctor, who took one look at the sores, after telling him how I felt and he promptly said, “Shingles”. So now an antiviral dose of tablets, rest, and prayer and hopefully I will get better soon.

So what’s been going on you may well ask.
I have had some people including one of my daughters ask me if I had stopped blogging.
The answer to that is “No”
I just wasn’t sure what to write.

You see I have struggled a bit over time as things going on in my life weren’t what I had dreamed or hoped for. I thought I was not doing things right as a Mother, Nana and Wife. I had expectations on myself and everyone else to all form this nice little “picture” of family.

I even shared with my cherubs about how I was feeling wondering what was wrong and although it didn’t go down too well it was good that a whole lot of “stuff” came out that had to be dealt with. And so I grew, in that none of it could be molded into what I wanted, as everyone has their own life to live, but I really had no say in it. Now one isn’t to look at that in a negative way but in a positive way as it means that each person is growing into who they are meant to be created by God and not who I wanted to be created by “Mumsey.”

When I finally grasped that ‘who’ I was, and what relationships I had with my husband, children and grandchildren and not to compare this with others in their own unique families, I was free to see exactly what I did have.

And oh what a gift it all was and I was missing out on what I did have because I was feeling so sorry for myself thinking I didn’t have what other grandparents and parents had.

So I’m back, ready to share my insights, baking, gardening and general life bits and pieces so keep coming back.