Musings From Kerre Woodham’s Musings From Middle Age

I have just finished reading this book, Musings From Middle Age, that I have had in my collection for a number of years – you know that stack of books by your bedside table … but mine flows under the dressing table as well!

I bought this book one day at Paper Plus when Kerre was actually there doing a book signing. It was a quiet day and she chatted briefly and wrote in my book 

"To dear Fiona with five kids. I hope you get a change to sit down, relax and read this! Happy reading. Love Kerre x”

At that time, I think we had our youngest just move to Christchurch so I was going through the empty nest stage in life. I can tell you back then, it may have been over ten years since our first child had left home and by then I was used to one less in the household every couple of years (and some aspects hubby and I were looking forward to!) but, there is still a grief to go through when indeed all your children have moved out and no longer need your daily input! 

I suspect Kerre was in awe that I had raised five children as she only had one. But for me that was my choice and I did love it. I was lucky that I didn’t have to work in paid employment until I took some part time work later once all the children were at school. We may not have done the best, as one has indicated (no longer having contact without letting us know what the issues were so we can all talk and understand, respond and heal) but we did what we knew and learned along the way. Every child/family/situation is different so there are no rule books on how to do it. Even if there are books giving advice and ways to work through all these times there are never two situations the same. 

And that is where I come to the point of this post. 

I read Kerre’s book and it was an easy fun book with short chapters making it ideal to pick up and read when there were little pockets of time to do so. This is Kerre’s third book and so is no famous author and will be better known for her work in the earlier days of Fair Go, as a New Zealand journalist and ‘one of New Zealand’s best loved personalities as she dishes up a bold, sharp and energetic show Monday to Friday 9am-12md’ on newstalk ZB.

Now I’ve never written a book and admit English was not my best or favourite subject. I couldn’t spell (the wonders of spell check weren’t around in ‘the olden days’), reading out loud was one of my biggest fears as I just didn’t know what or how to pronounce some of the words and my life was reasonably sheltered so there were no big subjects to write about. Writing a book is quite an accomplishment and I take my hat off to those who do and get them published. 

So when I logged my completion of reading this book on my “Goodreads” challenge for 2021 I scrolled down and read some of the comments. I often wonder what would people say if they spoke to the people their comments are aimed at in person (face-to-face), if they would say what they write or if they hide behind their keyboards giving off their energetic ‘hates’ with no fear of retaliation. 

Here are some of the comments: 

Jo rated it 1* did not like it/ didn’t-finish. - Depressing ageist gender-role reinforcement. I'm really not sure why this book exists. I'm pretty sure that women are getting told by plenty of other sources that once they hit 40 they become invisible and hideous, that regardless of whether they fight or succumb to (the inevitable) aging they will appear ridiculous and an object of mockery, and oh yes, in case you forgot- you're old and you're ugly. Maybe if you are lucky you will score a bloke who still sees you as the young hottie you once were. But you will have to nag him to death, because that's just the way things are. 

Jill rated it 1* did not like it. - Kerre Woodham what were you thinking? You warn in your book “only intended for the eyes of women aged 40 plus”. Well I would say more like 90 plus … and not at all if you are a woman. If dear reader, you have picked up this book thinking it will be like Woodham’s “Fat Chick” books then you will be sadly disappointed as it is just Woodham’s take on the aging process. I will confess that I only read the first 55 pages, so perhaps there is some improvement thereafter? Maybe someone would like to read ‘Musings from Middle Age ‘and tell me if it gets better? But I myself was not prepared to waste any more time on it. As a woman of a certain age, (the same age as Woodham actually) I have noticed that I have become invisible, gravity has kicked in and wobbly bits abound, but I have reached a degree of acceptance – I mean if Rachel Hunter can’t get a man then why should my singledom bother me unduly. However, am I really expected to believe that the gorgeous, blonde bombshell, and raconteur extraordinaire, Kerre Woodham, with her large as life personality, has become invisible - I don’t think so! If a publisher wants a book written on the subject of aging gracefully, why not choose an author who has a few more years under their belt. This book makes me feel like an aging harridan! I still have a good 40 years in me for goodness sake – 60 is the new middle age! This book made me so angry. However if you are a man, and want to know why your wife, sister, mother, life partner or whatever, is angry or moody all the time – then read this by all means – you might find it funny – unfortunately, I certainly didn’t.

Rebecca rated it 1* did not like it/not-finished. - Sorry Kerre. I like you but this book is crap!

The books back cover reads: 

Is there an invisible line we cross at a certain age when we become ‘un-chat-up-able’ and become someone’s mum? When do barmen and supermarket check-out operators start calling us ‘madam’ and why do some women have the unnatural urge to cut their own hair with nail scissors or run away to Buddhist retreats when they hit forty?

In this hilarious collection of stories from the brink of middle age, Kerre shares her insights into what makes us tick as women ‘of a certain age’. Topics explored include: coping with the empty nest; shoes, shoes and other indulgences; when is it futile to dress to impress? is there such a thing as a female mid-life crisis? and many more. Told in Kerre’s frank and self-deprecating style, this is a hilarious account of living life to the fullest - no matter what your age. 

The Goodreads website comments: 

A laugh-out-loud account of one woman's journey to the brink of middle age as she discovers her new place in the grand scheme of things. Is there an invisible line we cross at a certain age when we become ‘un-chat-up-able’ and become someone’s mum? When do barmen and supermarket check-out operators start calling us ‘madam’ and why do some women have the unnatural urge to cut their own hair with nail scissors or run away to Buddhist retreats when they hit forty? In this hilarious collection of stories from the brink of middle age, Kerre shares her insights into what makes us tick as women ‘of a certain age’. Topics explored include: coping with the empty nest; shoes, shoes and other indulgences; when is it futile to dress to impress?; is there such a thing as a female mid-life crisis?; and many more. Told in Kerre’s frank and self-deprecating style, this is a hilarious account of living life to the fullest - no matter what your age.

 “Jo” it would seem back then, that she(or maybe it’s a he) has either been through that stage and feels “invisible and hideous, …. appears ridiculous and an object of mockery, … old and ugly” and if she was “lucky” may have scored a bloke who still sees her as the young hottie she once was. But I sure hope she hasn’t nagged him to death, because that isn’t the way things are. Jo would also discover that Kerre is married to her Irishman who seems to adore her.

“Jill” seemed to want a lot more out of this book than she read in “the first 55 pages”. No the book was not the same as her “Fat Chick” books, by why do they have to be? Why does an author have to write the same sort of books all the time? Yes it is “just Woodham’s take on the aging process.” So why expect more? If Jill had read more she may have found the book a light laugh along as she admitted she was the same age and just enjoy it. 

And that is what the book is – a sort of autobiography of Kerre’s “middle years” with no suggestion to use it as a failproof guide but one that will make you smile, maybe even laugh out loud, screw your mouth up in disgust or maybe (in my case) nod your head understandingly thinking “and you wait until the next stage!”

Good on you Kerre, I enjoyed it.

The Things We Say

I wasn’t sure what to title this post as I wasn’t sure what it was that I was wanting to say (write) but as it progressed, I released it was all about “The Things We Say.” 

For those of you who don’t know me I have five beautiful grown-up children (8 grandchildren) and Harry and I have been married for 42 years. 

I am immensely proud of our children; who they are and what they have achieved and become. I’m not so much proud for being their mum (although “Yes” I am) but more of who they are. Each is different in their own way but they are all ‘from’ me and the things I have said, not said, done and not done shaped the beginning of their life journey. And now I see them all as adults having succeeded in each of their paths and all they do. I love them all dearly and want to be apart of their lives but I don’t want to be that interfering, intrusive mother and create a feeling for them that cringes each time I turn up! I feel privileged to share in their journeys, the highs and lows and I admit it hurts a little when I’m not or if I have no idea what is going on with their lives. 

In fact for one of them I struggle that they don’t want that for me. I know that sounds all a bit 'what about me" but I'm a mother and you just can't take the mothering out of me 😀

I am presently going through a book/study titled “A Year of Biblical Womanhood” by Rachel Held Evans I bought through Book Depository. 

She titled October as learning the art of Gentleness. I thought I had that sussed but it appeared I didn’t. 

I have learnt through this that I say some pretty cutting things to not just family but anyone really, that are not ‘gentle’. 

Now let’s be honest here, there are things we don’t like about people even when we love them including ourselves but that’s what makes us who we are and we know that the only ‘perfect One’ is Christ Jesus Himself so don’t be hard on yourselves. People will often say nice things about me and I have learnt to take them on board and accept them but I have had the other side of the coin too. Some of my children have said they don’t like the way I talk to their Dad. I thought “What’s wrong with the way I talk to him?” and this month I have learnt why. 

Rachel talks in her book about a ‘Jar of Contention’ she writes, and I quote: 

So to kick some of my less-than-gentle habits, I have made a “jar of contention,” which works a bit like a swearing jar. 

Each time I am caught in the act of gossip, nagging, complaining, exaggerating, or snark I put a penny in the jar. At the end of the month, each penny represents one minute I have to spend doing penance on the rooftop of my house to simulate what it is like to live with a contentious woman. 

I had to look up the meaning of contention to truly understand it: 

noun: a struggling together in opposition; strife. a striving in rivalry; competition; contest. strife in debate; dispute; controversy. a point contended for or affirmed in controversy.

Snark is from the word’s “snide” and “remark”.  

"Snarky" is used to describe speech with a specific emotional tone, typically a form of sarcasm informed by cheekiness and a mild, playful irreverence or impudence. When the dominant intent of the communication is to express or convey direct or judgmental rudeness, the sense of mild cheekiness is lost and the overall communication crosses the line to become "snide."

And there it was – I make snarky comments. 

I have come to realize that my mother made comments to me over the years when she didn’t agree or like what I did or said and they were ‘snarky”. Whether she meant to or not she was trying to make herself clear how she felt and being family, one thinks one can get away with talking like that. Well you can’t because it still leaves a mark. 

They say that behavior is shaped by nature and nurture. I’m not sure what the percentage is but these all are part of who we are. Whether we wanted to or not we pick up some of these learned behaviours that may or may not be beneficial to us. 

I started my ‘Jar of Contention” halfway through October using marbles (instead of coins as Rachel had because we just don't have coins anymore) and I soon learnt that I used snarky comments when ever I wanted to get a response of action or have the last comment to keep the silence. I’m not going to go into them but I felt terrible as each day progressed. 

The first day there were 6 marbles, then 5, six again and after a couple of days there would be 3 or 4 a day. After two and a half weeks there were 51 marbles in the jar. Now that would mean if I followed through with Rachels course of action I was going to have to sit on the corner of our roof for 51 minutes. 

Proverbs 21:9  Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife. 

What is really interesting is that this verse is repeated again - And if there is one thing I have learnt is that if God repeats something its something He really wants you to know.

Proverbs 25:24  Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.  

I hate to think what it would have been if I had done it for the whole month! 

I decided I wasn’t going to actually do this as Rachel had, because it seemed like a waste of 51 minutes and I had learnt my lesson well and truly. There may be times when I still think snarky remarks especially when ‘promises’ are not carried through but I have learnt that the remark does nothing to help and only cuts the person it is aimed at. I have learnt to listen more and say less. I have also learnt to “hear” what is being said (or not) and to think about what is the most helpful and nicest way to aid, if need be, the other person if it truly is an issue. But I have learnt most that “Dah” I can’t have it my way. If correction is needed then sure speak about it in a caring way to encourage a positive turn around but to get one’s own way is manipulative and controlling. 

OK I’m not saying I have won the battle. I still have thoughts and the urge to say something cutting or snide because I don’t like what has or hasn’t been done or said, but I feel so good when I realize what it is and I keep it to myself. I have learnt a fault of mine and am coming a long way to lose it and be one step closer to a gentle woman in her speech.

Scripture taken from the New International Version

I Am Who I Am

The title of this post is NOT blasphemy or dis-respectable to God. In fact if anything it is honouring God.

Have you ever had a time when you think "I have had enough. I'm not going to preform anymore to someone else's script, do what everyone else expects, or be what everyone else wants"?

Last Saturday I woke and after wrestling with how things had gone over the last few weeks I really felt like that. I never seemed to have any real me time, and the demands from all directions often meant I couldn't do things I wanted to or to what I felt was the best. I'm not pointing my finger at anyone or any particular incident as it really comes down to what I let happen in agreeing or not, to requests, demands and expectations.

I was sleeping eight hours a night and it didn't seem enough. I was at work for an extra hour or so each day and I still didn't get everything finished. The love of doing all things to be 'homely' seemed lost and I felt angry, especially when I saw others doing the things I longed to be doing.

It was like I was being tied down and bound to what I had become. I didn't like it and it was making me grumpy at almost anyone or anything.

I'm reading a book by Shelia Walsh called "In the Middle of the Mess". I started it so many weeks ago i decided to restart it. A quote right at the start reached out to me. Shelia was interviewing Rich Mullins on her show and asked him a question.
"What are the most important things in your life?" 
He answered "At any given moment it might be slightly different, but I would imagine that nothing would be more important than becoming fully who you were supposed to be...."

To be who you are supposed to be - I wanted that. I wanted to be fully who I am. I didn't like how I'd been feeling and with a sort of freedom I broke from the ties and claimed "I am who I am". In God's Word, the Bible, we read in Psalm 139:13-16
13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. 
15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. 
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
New International Version 

I am happiest when I am being who I believe I was fully created to be - a woman of God. And for me I believe that is a well-loved child of God, a wife, mother, daughter, nana, someone who can teach by example the roles God made for me.

So that day I put aside all that people were wanting and spent the day in the freedom of being who I am.

I spent time with God in His word. He showed me how much He continues to love us even when we grumble and complain. (Exodus 16 when the Israelite's started out in the desert and complained for food and water. God heard them and gave them quail and manna 12 “I have heard the grumbling of the Israelites.)






I baked - something I haven't done for ages for just us.







I fed the men in our home lunch of toasted sandwiches, baking and cups of tea, while they worked on dismantling a vehicle on the property.


I'd been rostered on do the flowers for church. Something I had to do, but I do enjoy arranging flowers. And even though I didn't think I had anything in the garden. I found enough to put two vases together.

And I just rested and read.

By the time I went to bed I had a sense of satisfaction of being who I am and also being who God wants me to be.

New Beginnings

Once we've celebrated Christmas my thoughts often recall the events of the year and wonder what the new year will bring.

Sometimes the past has pain, regrets and disappointments for myself and maybe others. I've made mistakes and things have not worked out the way I planned or wanted. I've missed opportunities to, make a difference for myself and others or to turn selfish moments into blessings for others.

The prospect of a new year brings the opportunity to leave all that behind, seek forgiveness by confessing our wrong and start a fresh. Even though its just the change of the calendar - as the morning dawns just like the day before's - the new year marks a point for new beginnings.

But do we really seek out new beginnings or are we afraid of failure, being laughed at or criticized for doing/being different or being someone we "shouldn't" be.

[I've never liked that word 'should'. Comments like "You should..." imposing something on me when it could have been said "you could..." which offers options; or "Would you.....?" which actually gives you a choice]

As you look back at what you've already overcome you realise that most times failure doesn't do permanent damage. In fact, as many have said, failure actually is a trophy that shows you have taken the courage to try and although you didn't succeed there is the opportunity to learn and try again.

When New Year Resolutions are made statistics have shown that by the end of February 85% of them have been broken already - that's failure on a big level and maybe if the resolutions were never made (especially on the whim of the moment) that high percentage wouldn't happen.

So does that mean don't bother?

Well its up to you. I like to set myself challenges and goals and this year I start with a different mindset.

I've just finished reading a book by Lysa TerKeurst  called Made to Crave and a key theme was 'unsettle me' [page 171 -172]

 Yes, indeed, unsettle me Lord. 
 Unearth that remnant of unforgiveness. 
 Shake loose that justification for compromise. 
 Reveal that broken shard of pride. 
 Expose that tendency to distrust. 
 Unsettle me in the best kind of way. For when I allow your touch to reach the deepest parts of me- dark and dingy and hidden away too long- suddenly, a fresh wind of life twists and twirls and dances through my soul. 
 I can delight in forgiveness and love more deeply.
 I can discover my gentle responses and find softer ways for my words to land.
 I can recognize the beauty of humility and crave the intimacy with God it unleashes.
 I can rest assured though harsh winds blow, I will be held.
 Goodbye to my remnants, my justification, shards, and tendencies. This is not who I am- nor who I was created to be.
 Goodbye to shallow love, sharp words, self focus, and suspicious fears. I am an unsettled woman who no longer wishes to take part in your distractions or distructions.
 Welcome deeper love, softer words, unleashed intimacy, and the certainty I am held.
 Welcome my unsettled heart

In particular I have written down "Unsettle me in the best kind of way." 
It's like a challenge received from God to say yes to, knowing that with His guiding He will only give us what we can cope with.



The devotion for today from The Word For Today was titled "This Year Get Out Of Your Comfort Zone" with the scripture from Isaiah 41:10

So do not fear, for I am with you;
    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

I felt God was showing me to step out, to take up the challenge and to look for a new way with Him.

It ended with a poem...

'I used to have a comfort zone where I knew I couldn't fail; 
the same four walls of busywork were really more like jail. 
I longed so much to do the things I'd never done before, 
but stayed inside my comfort zone and paced the same old floor. 
I said it didn't matter that I wasn't doing much; 
I said I didn't care for things like dreams and goals and such. 
I claimed to be so busy with the things inside my zone, 
but deep inside I longed for something special of my own. 
I couldn't let my life go by just watching others win;
 I held my breath and stepped outside and let the change begin. 
I took a step, and with new strength I'd never felt before, 
I kissed my comfort zone goodbye, then closed and locked the door. 
If you are in a comfort zone, afraid to venture out, 
remember that all winners were at one time filled with doubt.'

Author Unknown

Mecki’s Courgette Cake - Part two

Before I post this recipe I thought I would tell you a bit more of the story behind it.

For those of you who follow this blog and my facebook page you will know I have another blog My Julie/Julia Attempt  On this other blog I am trying to work through a plastic bag of recipes I have collected from all manner of places. You know; magazines, newspapers, flyers, friends, web sites, the back of packets food comes in and just anything that catches my eye. I had originally thought I would make a recipe a day – just like in the book by Julie Powell, ‘Julie and Julia: My Year of Cooking Dangerously’, that was made in to the film Julie Julia starring Meryl Streep and Amy Adams.

Since it is just Harry and I at home I am reluctant to do too much of the baking of some food because unless I can freeze it (and there is a limit as to how much I can fit in the freezer!) I have to eat it myself (and yes the weight is going on!) or take it to somewhere where it will be eaten for me.

Now as I have lamented to you before, my vegetable garden was not very successful this year (well of course it isn't – you have to work at it to have things grow) but I have friends (no smart comments thank you) and they have gardens – and abundance of crops.

As in a previous post I was given some zucchini; also known as the courgette and if left for too long – the marrow, and attempted a new recipe to add to my Julie/Julia Attempt. Then I discovered the omission of the amount of flour. But not to be down at the first or second hurdle I finally decided, after the gifting of more zucchinis from Frances, to try the recipe again.

The recipe below is what was posted in the newspaper with the added amount of flour. Now I still think the first cake I made with 2 ¾ cups of flour and being left in the oven for slightly longer was nicer than this one but it was still quite nice.

Mecki’s Courgette Cake,
named after Mecki the German Wwoofers who made it while staying at Annette’s Taylor’s place.

500g courgettes, grated
1 small cup oil
1 ½ cups sugar
3 beaten eggs
3 cups flour
1 ½ tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1 ½ tsp cinnamon
1 tsp nutmeg
1 tsp salt
1 cup sliced almonds

Preheat oven to 150°C. Line a 22cm coke tine with greased paper.
Combine courgettes, oil sugar and eggs.
In another bowl sift flour and other ingredients except almonds.
Slowly stir the flour into the courgette mixture. Add almonds and mix well.
Pour into cake tin and bake for about an hour. Cool for 10 minutes then remove from tin. Sprinkle with icing sugar, and if desired, slice in held and add whipped cream

The Invention of Wings

Sue Monk Kidd is an author I have enjoyed in the past having read two of her books The Mermaid Chair and the more famously known The Secret Life of Bees,  made into a movie in 2008. So it was with a sense of expectation I started on her latest novel The Invention of Wings

It was not until I was halfway through that I discovered that the main characters the Grimké sisters were actually real. The story starts with Sarah Grimke receiving “Handful” (Hetty) a ten year old negro as her servant - a gift from her mother on her eleventh birthday. Sarah, who was intelligent beyond her female expectations, longed to be a lawyer like her father and older brother and felt right from the start that she would not have a servant and would sign her back to her mother to set her free.

Of course this did not go down well and so the story starts as we read about Handful and Sarah – alternative chapter upon chapter from 1803 eventually through to 1838. Sarah relished books and an education. When her youngest sister was born, Sarah begged her parents to allow her to become Angelina's godmother. She became part mother and part sister to her much younger sibling, and the two sisters had a close relationship all their lives. Angelina often called Sarah "Mother". Sarah was not considered very pretty and so it was concerned that she would never marry. Her parents were very keen for her to take up the offer of proposal to the first eligible man who offered. Sarah had other ideas it appeared as though forbidden by her father to re-enter his library after an episode over the ‘stealing’ of a book, longed to be more than just a “lady”.

Through all this her slave Handful worked as a seamstress a gifted talent handed on from her mother. Handfuls character although originally recorded as being given as a servant to Sarah is primarily made up by Sue even though the idea of “the invention of wings” comes from a story told to Handful by her mother.

The story written alternative chapter by chapter of the two women and their lives tells of the plight of slaves in southern America and the true story of Sarah and ‘Nina’ as they rebel against society, joining the Quakers and eventually becoming famous abolitionists.

Sue writes in an informative way that draws you in to the sotry and characters making her novels a joy to read. In this instance the fact that the story's characters are from history is also a drawcard for me as I enjoy the learning of history through a writers own depiction of the people and events.

“Mecki’s Courgette Cake”

Book club for March was at my place.

We are a group of five women who meet once a month and talk about books….
Well sometimes we talk about books the rest of the time we catch up on the things that have happened in our lives, the goss of what shops/cafes are opening/closing in Tirau and whether the price of cheese will affect whether we make our own or not – well for Sheryn it is.

So to go with all this we eat and drink good food and wine or something else to our liking. Each month we go to a different members home and the host produces the food and so I decided to make a pizza for after the nibbles and finish up with a nice cake for dessert.

Late summer means there is often a plentiful supply of zucchinis and one can get desperate as to what to do with them. If you haven’t been successful in growing your own you can be rest assured some close friend or neighbour is happily handing you a supply whether you want them or not. Well as you will have seen from an earlier post, my garden had not been successful - but I had obtained zucchinis and for me that meant I could try out some of my recipes I have collected over the years.
(See my other blog "My Julie/Julia Attempt")

So I found a nice recipe for zucchini cake called “Mecki’s Courgette Cake”. Now courgettes and zucchinis are the same thing it just depends on what part of the world you live in. This recipe was from The Waikato Times way back in 2001. I read the interesting article written by Annette Taylor and the recipe checking I had all the ingredients. On the afternoon of book club I made the cake. 

Following the directions I proceeded to step three.
   “In another bowl sift the flour and other ingredients except the almonds….”

The flour - how much flour?
Nope it’s not listed.
Read the directions again; no amount given.
Read the article again.
Annette does say
   “Mecki says this recipe makes great muffins as well and instead of almonds, raisins or other nuts can be used. They can be also be made with wholemeal flour. Having tried the cake, I believe almonds and white flour are the way to go…” 
but no amount.

Oh well ‘google’ will solve the problem. Well that was a task. No actual link to “Mecki’s Courgette Cake”, “Takes the Cake”, “Veging Out,” or any other keywords to do with this recipe and article. So checking out other recipes for zucchini cake I guessed about 2 cups of flour, besides the ingredients were all sitting there waiting to be baked!
I made the cake and, apart from being slightly undercooked in the very middle, it was rather delicious and yes I would definitely stick with the white flour and almonds.

I decided I am definitely going to try and get to the bottom of the correct amount

The following day I sent off an email to the Waikato times….

Hi Jonathan, 

 Back in 2001 (27th February precisely) you (or the person before you) printed in the Waikato times a recipe called “Mecki’s Courgette Cake” in an article titled “Takes the Cake” 
 It was in the section titled FOOD and contributed by Annette Taylor under the heading of Veging Out. I have saved this section of the paper and attempted to make the cake with the abundance of zucchinis I had acquired. 
 Unfortunately in the printing or the submitting by Annette, of this recipe, the ingredient “flour” was missed out. It is not in the list of ingredients but is mentioned in the instructions … “In another bowl sift in the flour…” 
 Now I am supposing that a correction was published at a later date but I failed to see/collect this information. 
 I have searched the web for a similar recipe and even to find the article I have mentioned but to no avail. I am wondering if you (or someone who could be allocated the job) can locate the recipe/article from archives and let me know the quantity of flour. 

 Please. 

 Yours Sincerely 
 Fiona Van Lent

The next day I received a reply…

Fiona: 
Annette Taylor is no longer working for the Waikato Times. However, she remains a practising freelance journalist and I'm guessing she can help you with the missing flour measurement. This is her website: 
http://www.number8network.co.nz 
And her contact details: 
Phone us on 07 8XX XXXX (but not during Dr Who please!) 
You can also call or text 022 XXX XXX 
Or write a letter and send it to this address: …. 

Good luck with the cake. 

Deborah Sloan 
Features editor 

OK I checked out the number8Network link (I had been there before) and there was still no cake.
Right time for action… I emailed Annette from a link on No 8

Hi Annette, 
As per the email below (I sent the email I had originally sent to Jonathan - above) I am looking for the amount of flour in your recipe “Mecki’s Courgette Cake”. 
Deborah Sloan (Features editor) replied with your contact details but no details as to the missing amount of flour! 
I’ve checked out your website but still can't find it. Could you please let me know how much flour this wonderful cake needs!!!!!!! 
Thanking you. 

Annette replied within the day

Hello Fiona - no flour? Eeeeeeek! It was either submitted that way or subbed out - hard to be certain all these years later. However - you are in luck. I am in close contact with the maker of the cake, my friend Mecki who lives in Germany. 

I shall email her straight away and will get back to you immediately. Well done for your determination - it is a lovely cake! (I will also feature the revised recipe on my community website Number 8 Network, with the flour added in this time!) 

Thanks for getting in touch. 

Regards 
Annette 

So I waited, the feeling of being able to post a correct recipe was warming inside me, someone who likes to be correct with the details…Finally nearly a fortnight later Annette replied with a copy of the email from her friend Mecki…

Dear Annette, 

How nice that somebody remembers our zucchini cake...we remembered right away that the amount of flour wasn´t printed in the newspaper...I think it was 250 g.....But I cannot find the newspaper, I know, it´s somewhere, but we found our diary and there I noted: 

3 eggs + 2 cups sugar+ 1 cup oil + 3 tsp vanilla mix and set away. 

1 tsp soda + 3 cups flour + 2 tsp cinnamon + 1 tsp salt (sounds too much to me...) + 1/4 tsp baking powder + 1/2 cup nuts + 2 Cups grated zucchini. 

Add Zucchini and flour mix slowly to egg mix and bake for 45 min. 

I hope that´s right, haven´t baked it for some years.... 

OK you say there it is

Um NO!

That is not the same recipe!

The basic ingredients are about the same but the amounts differ and even the flour is still a little suspect as to whether it would be the right amount for the recipe printed!

Annette has said she will try it out and post it to her website in due course.

In the mean time I too will have to experiment…
But it will have to wait until next year as there seem to be no more zucchinis around….

And I hear the Feijoas dropping…….

Prayer of Jabez for Women

I read my first book on the Prayer of Jabez by Bruce Wilkinson a few years ago and found it extremely encouraging and can count many blessings because of specifically praying the prayer almost daily. 

My daughter Jennifer gave me a copy of the Prayer of Jabez for Women written by Bruce's wife Darlene Wilkinson and read it earlier this year.

I was reminded of the truth behind the obscure little piece of scripture hidden away in 

1 Chronicles 4:9-10
9 Jabez was more honorable than his brothers. His mother had named him Jabez,[a] saying, “I gave birth to him in pain.” 10 Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, “Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain.” And God granted his request. 
Footnotes:,[a] 1 Chronicles 4:9 Jabez sounds like the Hebrew for pain.
New International Version (NIV)

The prayer is based on verse 10 and divided into four parts:

1. Bless me
2. Enlarge my territory
3. God's hand be on me
4. Keeping me safe

When you study this prayer and pray it on a daily plan you will begin to see God working amazing things in your life. Darlene addresses this prayer on a woman's plane and how it can be used in her role as mother as well as in ministry, thus seeing God work miraculously in many situations.

A write up that accompanies the books write up reads.

• The phenomenal impact of The Prayer of Jabez is shown by reports of changed lives, expanded ministries, and spiritual breakthroughs among believers everywhere. Now women have their own unique version, written by Bruce Wilkinson's lifetime partner in marriage, that is full of significance for women's roles and ministry opportunities in God's kingdom. A must-read for every woman, whether she has read The Prayer of Jabez or not, this book addresses important questions such as, How can a busy mom expand her territory without neglecting the most important territory she already has, her family? Darlene Marie Wilkinson's warm, personable approach reaches out to her reader, encouraging her to become like Jabez and experience the extraordinary life.

Women and Stress: Practical Ways to Manage Tension

Women and Stress: Practical Ways to Manage Tension is written by Jean Lush, with Pam Vredevelt updating it a bit so it is now repackaged to reach a new generation of stressed-out readers. Women and Stress continues its important role in stress management in our high-stress times.

Jean Lush (1914-1996) was also coauthor of Mothers and Sons and the bestselling Emotional Phases of a Women's Life. Jean was well-known for her radio and television outreach.

Pam Vredevelt

Pam Vredevelt is a bestselling author, popular conference speaker, and licensed professional counselor at NW Counseling Services in Gresham, Oregon. She is coauthor of Mothers and Sons and Surviving the Secret.

Women and Stress is a classic, time-tested handbook for any woman dealing with stress.

Everyone must manage tension and stress; from balancing work and family to cultivating relationships and dealing with personal issues. But how we do it can determine the quality of our lives.

In this book, Jean and Pam point out causes of tension and stress and how we typically respond to these. They then conclude by showing you how to deal with stress that is unique to women in healthy, productive ways. They examine troublesome emotions and show how to manage tension with practical, tried-and-true methods gained from research, personal experience, and enlightening case studies.

This helpful book offers you reassuring advice for handling common sources of stress and their manifestations, such as
• fear
• mood swings
• jealousy and anger
• perfectionism
• unmet needs
• and more

It's no secret that we live in high-stress times. Women and Stress is a proven resource to help you not only cope but rise above the chaos to a peaceful, balanced life.

I found this book a reminder to me on keeping time for me and guarding this time, so no-one or anything can steal it away. It also reminded me to fit in the things I love to do and not think of them as luxuries or guilty escapes but as 'tools' to help me relax and have a stress-free life.

The Courage to be Rich

The Courage to be Rich: Creating a Life of Material and Spiritual Abundance

In the bible there is a verse:

For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs. 1 Timothy 6:10 New International Version 

This book made me look at the verse in a different way.

Suze Orman is an American personal financial adviser and a two-time Emmy Award-winning television host, New York Times mega bestselling author, magazine and online columnist, writer/producer, and one of the top motivational speakers in the world today. She has won numerous awards and yet started out growing up on the South Side of Chicago earning a bachelor’s degree in social work at the University of Illinois and at the age of 30 was still a waitress making $400 a month.
Her life story was that of an ordinary child but she made choices to change it.

In her book "The Courage to be Rich: Creating a Life of Material and Spiritual Abundance" Suze took me on a journey that showed me that it is not to have a love of money in the sense that it becomes your idol but to love it with the respect it deserves. You either have a love for money or a love for possessions - and the later will never leave you with any money. Giving money the respect it deserves enables it to stay with you and build up to become a tool you can use for the good in your life.

This book is a handbook based on the American financial system so a lot of it was not relevant in New Zealand but her explanations, examples of 'peoples' stories and a guide as to what to expect, what to do and what not to do, can be adapted for anyone anywhere in the world. She addresses the rites of passage we all might and/or must face - marriage, divorce, death, spending (and overspending), the financial situations we may well find ourselves in at theses times and taking control of our financial tomorrow's today.
At first she makes you take an honest look at where you are today in relation to your finances and invites you to participate in some activities to truly make you stop and take control where ever you are.

The book is more than a book about money. It's a book about emotions and feelings and living a life of abundance. It's a book that encourages you to face the feelings and emotions you have about money and to learn.

Throughout the book she posts little rules to live by when it comes to money.

I've included some of them here.

She ends it by encouraging you to give, not out of your poverty as that will never help you get ahead, but out of your abundance and how the act will release you to the rewards of being able to 'love' money for its worth and what it can do not just for you but for others in the world.


We may not all become millionaires or huge investors on the stock exchange but with educated decisions we can become rich - enough to share - and so to have enjoyment and peace.

We have the courage to be rich, to be in control and so not have money control us.

Going back to the verse I first mentioned -

For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.

Yes the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil when it is a selfish desire to have it for your own means. But God wants to bless us and in that we will have an abundance.

You will eat the fruit of your labor; blessings and prosperity will be yours. Psalm 128:2 New International Version

You may well say - well that's not for all people and what about those who are starving and struggling with afflictions that we may never have to experience. When we are rich then out of that abundance we can give to others. Having a love of money to be able to be in the position to give is something we should all desire. The act of giving is not evil and to give in a financial way means to have a loving respect of money to be able to work for God and you.

2 Corinthians 9:6-11 (NIV) 
Generosity Encouraged 
6 Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. 7 Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. 8 And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. 9 As it is written: 

“They have freely scattered their gifts to the poor; their righteousness endures forever.”  

10 Now he who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness. 11 You will be enriched in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God.

All scripture is taken from New International Version

The Wives of Henry Oades

Our latest book club read was The Wives of Henry Oades by Johanna Moran.

An interesting easy read, some of which is set in early settler Wellington in New Zealand and some in America.

In 1890, Henry Oades accepts an accountancy post in New Zealand and undertakes the arduous sea voyage from England to New Zealand in order to further his family's fortunes. When Henry, his wife, Margaret, and their children follow him to exotic Wellington they desire to live further out from the city. But while Henry is an adventurer, Margaret is not. Here they settled on the lush but wild coast where their new home is rougher and more rustic than they expected. It wasn't long before disaster struck in the most unexpected of ways. One night of tragedy shatters the family when a local native Maori tribe stage an uprising, incensed at their treatment at the hands of the settlers. They kidnap Mrs Oades, her four children and a young boy who was visiting with his mother at the time, and vanished into the rugged hills surrounding the town while Henry is away.

For months Henry, at first refusing to believe his wife could be dead, scours the surrounding wilderness, until all hope is lost and his wife and children are presumed dead. Having searched ceaselessly for his family, two grief-stricken years later he is forced to conclude that they must be dead. Henry books a passage to California and in his despair he ships out to San Francisco to start over. There he marries Nancy Foreland, a young widow who's husband died while trying to save their fortune of savings in a jar from their burning house. Nancy was pregnant with their first baby, and when she has given birth Henry takes pity on her and marries her, even though he had declined a previous proposal from a housekeeper who lived in the home of his benefactor. It seems they’ve both found happiness in the midst of their mourning—until in 1899, Henry’s first wife and children show up, alive and having finally escaped captivity.

Unbeknown to Henry all but one of his family have survived the abduction and Margaret Oades and her children were leading a miserable existence, enslaved to the local tribe. Margaret also cared for a family friend's son who had also been caught up in the abduction. His mother's remains were finally announced to be the charred body that was buried by the burnt out home of the Oades when their home was first discovered in ruins. When they contracted smallpox after five years of captivity they were cast out and are finally let free. Ill and footsore, they make their way back to town, years after they were presumed dead. Discovering that Henry was now half a world away, they were determined to rejoin him. Leaving the boy she had cared for with his father in New Zealand they sail as workers on a boat to pay for their passage and months later they arrived on Henry's doorstep in America and Henry Oades discovered that he had two wives and many dilemmas.

Margaret is quite determined to some how have her husband reunited with her and the children but although Henry says he has loved her he shows no passion and is devoted to his new wife. So as not to abandon any of them they proceed to live in the same homestead on the ranch he inherited from the owner he had worked for after arriving in America.

Narrated primarily by the two wives, and based on a real-life legal case, The Wives of Henry Oades is the riveting story of what happens when Henry, Margaret, and Nancy face persecution for bigamy. Exploring the intricacies of marriage, the construction of family, the changing world of the late 1800s, and the strength of two remarkable women, Johanna Moran turns this unusual family’s story into an unforgettable page-turning drama.

This is a darkly comic but moving historical fiction debut about love and family, based on a controversial court case from the early 1900s.

I found Henry quite annoying in the end.
I felt he should have left the second wife and renewed his marriage with his first wife Margaret and the children. Margaret had done so much with and for him and the children over the years. Even though he had moved on from the grief of believing in the end that she was dead, her escaping and following him to America showed her love for him. She longed for him to embrace her and comfort her at times. He seemed obsessed with Nancy the new wife and it would appear from the story that her youth and beauty caused him to lust for her. She in turn seemed quite naive and silly at times. It was mentioned once that her mother was the same age as Margaret. The disarray of these relationships caused his son to fall by the way and behave in ways he may not have, had he had a good solid example to follow in his parents.

Johanna believes the story is based on a true article her mother had been given by her father but an article in the Herald on Sunday questions this.

A Special Seat Passenger

When I flew to Wellington for the second time to visit Theresa I prebooked my seat and number so I could get a window with a view and no obstruction from the wing.

I was running a bit late and when I asked the gentleman who was in the aisle seat next to mine, before I got there if he could possibly move, (so I could get my big body past him) he said "Certainly" (not the big body bit - that was all in my head!) I thought 'I recognize that voice.'

I sat down arranging my bag and he offered to put my coat in the over hanger locker and I thought I do know him ... well he didn't know me of course, but when you have seen someone on TV often enough you sure know them by sight and by voice.

I said "Hello.. are you Aaron?",
"Yes" he replied and that set me off.


Aaron Brunet was the winner of Masterchief NZ 2013 .

Poor guy we chattered all the way to Wellington about this and that. Too bad if he was hoping for a bit of a rest, but they say if you are famous you have to expect it!!!

He lives in Raglan with his lovely wife and daughter.

Life after winning has been busy and he has just launched his new book "Cook With Me".
He was flying to Wellington and the Wairarapa doing a couple of fun events: Yarns in Barns on the Tuesday evening with Jo Crabb, at Opaki School, Waipipi. Then on Wednesday morning at Moore Wilson demonstrating some recipes from his book.

I asked him some things about the programme that we don't see on TV and we shared stories about our children.

Although he really appreciated what Masterchief had done for him he was keen to get back to his love of making sour dough bread.

Eat, Pray, Love

Ever since this book was first talked about I had wanted to read it. I enjoy going to book sales and at one of these fun scavenger hunts I found my own copy for a mere $2. I stashed it away in my ever growing pile thinking one day I would finally get to read it.

And then at one of our monthly book club meetings it was chosen as the book to read that month. So now not only was it a book that "had" to be read, it was one I had and have wanted to read.
So when I had finally finished the long book I was currently reading I dived in to Eat Pray Love.

Written by Elizabeth Gilbert, it is a true story of her 'finding herself' after a traumatic divorce and a stormy new relationship. She decides to spend a year in three countries "each starting with the letter 'I'" after what I would call a spiritual experience from God. At first I am quiet enthusiastic as it seems she comes to make a commitment to God but as I read through the book I realize it is not going to be as I thought.

In Italy she discovers food and "Eats" her way through numerous delicious sounding dishes as she learns to speak the Italian language that she loves.
Moving on to India she goes to an Ashram where she spends her time along with others from around the world learning to "Pray" and meditate. This section in particular really bugs me as I know that talking and listening to God (in prayer) does not involve the strict disciplines and rules to hear from Him. I feel that she and the others there were being slaves to some other god. In fact it made me so cross that they couldn't see what they were doing was such a bind that I almost through the book across the room!
Finally she goes to Indonesia, and more precisely Bali, to spend time learning from a medicine man. Once again I was sort of angry she felt the need to find out the ways of this healing man when it was not from God.
During this time she meets and falls in "Love" with Felipe, a Brazilian-born man of Australian citizenship, who also helps her to discover the joyfulness in a relationship between a man and a woman.

I am pleased I have read the book and am actually keen to watch the movie of the same name which stars Julia Roberts as Elizabeth. I actually really like Julia's acting so that in itself should be good. Having read the book as well will mean that I will know the bits in between that are missed out in movies because of the confinement of time.

It will be interesting for me to see if I get as frustrated with, what I feel, is a lack of understanding of God and His love for us as I did in the book. God loved us through sending His Son Jesus Christ, who died for us so that we could be free to have a relationship with God, with out the rules and rituals other religions put on a person, before they can be close to God.

The Story of Beautiful Girl

The Story of Beautiful Girl by Rachel Simon

This was our second Book Club book. It seemed interesting we had two books in a row on Mental Health Institutions but I found this one captivating not only in its story but also in the way the the Institutions in America  have changed over the years.
For our family have also seen the changes in these in the Waikato, from Tokanui to The Henry Bennett Centre.

Lynnie, a young white woman with a developmental disability, and Homan, an African American deaf-mute man, are locked away in an institution, the Pennsylvania State School for the Incurable and Feebleminded, and have been left to languish, forgotten. While this school and many others like it have been closed, as a people we still have much to do to show compassion towards others that are different from each of us.

The year is 1968, and most Americans (and possibly most of the word) are convinced that institutionalization, rather than education, social services, or humaneness, is the only reasonable response to individuals like Lynnie and Homan. Deeply in love, they escape, and find refuge in the farmhouse of Martha, a retired schoolteacher and widow.

But what an institution they've fled --- a place that's unimaginably filthy and corrupt, where residents are routinely restrained, punished and terrorized by the guards, where friendship and compassion are all too hard to find.

Lynnie a beautiful young woman who has voluntarily stopped speaking and Homan (known to Lynnie as Buddy, but to most only as Number 42), have escaped from the school. They harbor a dangerous secret --- Lynnie is pregnant and it is imperative to the two that the baby not be born under those circumstances.

The story begins with the night the baby girl is born as they run from the school. It’s windy and rainy and the two stumble upon the farmhouse of Martha Zimmer. Martha, an older woman, opens her door to two bedraggled wanderers. Both are wrapped in makeshift blankets composed of old signs, and neither one can speak. While Martha is not sure how or why they chose her door, what is obvious to her is the affection they have for each other, and that they are seeking refuge. As Lynnie (known only as Beautiful Girl to Homan) removes her wet outer clothes, she unwraps a just-born baby girl. Hiding in her attic where they had felt safe, they are discovered when a little later that night, there is a second knock on the door, and it is the authorities from School looking for two escaped inmates. Desperate to find a better life for her baby, Lynnie throws herself on Martha's mercy, whispers two words to Martha: "Hide her”, as she leaves her daughter with this quiet, trustworthy woman.  But, the authorities only find Lynnie, as Homan has escaped into the dark undetected and the baby is left behind in the hopes that Martha will look after her.

Lynnie is hoping that she will not be isolated when she is returned to the school, as how else will Homan find her again. While escaping Homan is thinking on how to get back to the school to rescue Lynnie, and Martha needs to decide whether she will honor Lynnie's request.

When Lynnie is returned to the school, we learn of the horrors, and the mistreatment she and others had to endure. Homan continues his escape, but the two --- neither of whom can tell their story --- remain separated for nearly 40 years.

And so begins the epic journey of Lynnie, Homan, Martha, and baby Julia- lives divided by seemingly insurmountable obstacles, yet drawn together by a secret pact and extraordinary love. Over the course of the next 30 years we share their ups and their downs, their worries and their happiness. Lynnie never gives up her love of Homan and knows one day he will return for her. Life returns to normal for no one in this thought-provoking book. Martha, whose telephone rings only on December 24, when her former students call to arrange a visit on Christmas day, finds her life changed as she cares for baby Julia. Martha spends the remaining years in a constant state of fear that the secret will be found out and the baby will be removed from her care. Enlisting her past students, each of them plays a role in hiding Martha and the baby until the day that Lynnie or Homan return. The child draws people into Martha's life and gives her newfound purpose. Homan travels about the country with no way of knowing where to find Lynnie, he doesn't even know her name, but as fate would have it, he is lead to the one place they shared in common, Lynnie's love of lighthouses.

As their lives continue in parallel, as their memories of that stolen time together and their hopes for their absent daughter continue to flourish, Homan and Lynnie prove to the world --- and to themselves --- exactly what they're capable of. 

In her bestselling 2002 memoir, RIDING THE BUS WITH MY SISTER,

Beth and Rachel

 Rachel Simon introduced readers to the challenges, heartaches and rewards of having a family member with a developmental disability. The memoir chronicles the year Ms. Simon spent accompanying her sister Beth, who is afflicted with an intellectual disability, on joyful bus rides through a city in Pennsylvania. Though this experience, the author gleaned an understanding of the inner life of the developmentally disabled as well as interviews with people who had been wrongfully

institutionalized and professionals who staff group homes. Haunted for years by the story of an unidentified, deaf African American man found wandering the streets in Chicago, Ms. Simons captures the essence of both in the novel THE STORY OF BEAUTIFUL GIRL, she says, "Burst out of me like nothing before." At the same time, she showed us the complexity and often misunderstood nature of disability, factors that may be unfamiliar to the general public but are well known to Ms. Simon.

THE STORY OF BEAUTIFUL GIRL has a personal angle and a political agenda, to be sure --- just one glimpse at the descriptions of the so-called School and a glance at the author's note, and readers will grow outraged by the atrocities that actually happened not so very long ago. Even more important, however, is the way in which Simon utilizes the inner monologues of Lynnie and Homan to enhance their humanity in a much-needed and too-rare way. Seeing inside their heads, coming to know them as thinking and hurting and loving people, comes far closer to knowing the disabled and empathizing with them than most readers ever would on their own.

The book's dedication reads, "For those who were put away." Although Ms. Simon's awareness of the institutional life forms a backbone for the book, it is her insight into the indomitable spirit of the human soul that infuses The Story of Beautiful Girl with brilliance and honesty.

Rachel Simon is the award-winning author of six books and an American nationally-recognized public speaker on issues related to diversity and disability. Her titles include the bestsellers, The Story of Beautiful Girl and she is best known for her critically acclaimed, bestselling memoir Riding The Bus with My Sister. Both books are frequent selections of book clubs and school reading programs around the country. Riding The Bus with My Sister has been adapted for theater and Hallmark Hall of Fame, whose adaptation starred Rosie O' Donnell and Andie McDowell, and was directed by Anjelica Huston.