Saturday, September 10, 2011

Coming Through

I know it’s been awhile since I have posted on my blog but life has thrown me a bit of a curve ball and I shied away from a lot of things I was normally doing except the essentials. 

Over the last few years I have suffered chest pains that I thought were anxiety attacks. While discussing a few other health issues, that I won’t go into now, my doctor had some tests done and I was diagnosed with a heart disease. I was given lots of tablets to take and a spray for the pain. I was also booked in for an angiogram. 

One evening a couple of weeks ago I had stabbing pains and was rushed to the hospital in the ambulance, only to discover, after an emergency angiogram, that there was nothing wrong with my heart and so I am now awaiting to find out what is causing the pain.

What relief to no longer have to be on all the medication and I feel that a weight like a heavy back pack has been taken off me.

The medication had slowed me down, as I was told it might, but being down emotionally as well, I didn’t realise how much until I was able to stop the medication. Feeling almost incapable like this I just didn’t feel like doing anything; why bother if I was at risk of having a heart attack.

But through all this time I have had an epiphany. It wasn’t a sudden revelation, but more like the sun burning through on a foggy morning.

I am on facebook and have become addicted to some of the games. I realise it is a desire, not so much to beat others, but to always do better myself. But this fixation was stealing my life away and the things I have loved to do.

Slowly I am weaning myself off and am still in the process of breaking away. But I am letting the things around me become a part of who I am and my day again.

My office/craft room is tidy; I have gone back to some of my Flylady routines; the gardens are being weeded and books are exciting me again.

The reality is if my life was to be cut short then these were the important things that would really be missed not the silly games on facebook.

It’s a slow but steady work in progress but like the prodigal son I am feeling that my Father is throwing a party for me as I come back to the woman He created me to be.

1 comment :

  1. I think your addiction to games on FB has been to escape other problems that have worried you. You've needed this to help you through. Take you your time and look after yourself. I sometimes wish I lived closer to you, so we could have a good heart to heart.

    It will be nice to see you back to your old self again. Take care. Hugs Maa